How to Keep From Spiritually Abusing People

Posted: July 14, 2015 in When Church Hurts
Tags: , , , ,

Tell the truth.

That’s it.

You’re probably thinking that’s crazy, but think about it.  If you have been spiritually abused, think about if the perpetrator had told the truth.

“I am not open to questions.”

“You have to support the staff and their decisions no matter what.”

“We do not allow people to express concerns.”

“I’m only interested in getting my own way.”

“Give me enough money and I will listen to you.”

“If you are wealthy enough or have a high enough position in the community, I will befriend you.”

“I am petty.”

“I am vindictive.”

“I am self-aggrandizing.”

“I hate you.”

“I don’t really like people.”

“I don’t want to be bothered.”

“You don’t matter.”

“You don’t deserve a response.”

I’m sure you could add to the list.  In fact, please feel free to do so in the comments.

Can you see what I mean?  If my former pastor had just blatantly told me the truth, I would have either assured him that I would accept him as is, and seen his abusive behavior as it really is – his own problem – or I would have high-tailed it out of there.  Either way, I would not have gotten entrenched for over a decade in an abusive situation that nearly robbed me of my faith.

But, because he/they refused to tell me the truth, and I adamantly determined that I would see him and his proxies in the very best light, I opened myself up to a level of spiritual abuse that was overwhelming and debilitating.  The truth would have freed me from that tyranny.

Tell me, if you had been told the truth, would you have averted being spiritually abused?

  1. One my partner encountered was ‘you ask questions because you are a sinner and you want me to say its normal and ok to sin, well its not’
    Another on a blog ‘ if a pastor tells his congregation that everyone sins, they condition them to sin…..when you become a Christian you can be sin free’

  2. One I missed..’I am an evangelist not a pastor so I learn to be a pastor from psychology books’ there is a lot of things which happened which links well to these things but because an official complaint was made i can’t share

  3. a prodigal daughter returns says:

    If you are a woman, you will never be anything to the only people that matter here (the men). If you are a woman you will wonder why God hates women–its because the men in charge have that in common. Your life as a female in our church will be that of an endured slave never being “good enough”. If you question us we will say you have the “spirit of Jezebel” and are “practicing witchcraft”. If you call us on our blatant sin we will tell the congregation you are a tare planted by satan. If your husband beats you we will excuse him and blame his violence on you not being enough Just for starters… If i’d not been so brainwashed as a child about the inferiority of women from my misogynist mother and father I would not have fallen for the patriarchal churches that devoured 4 decades of my life

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