Another Great Post – this one from

Posted: February 16, 2015 in Uncategorized, When Church Hurts
Tags: , , , ,

I read an interesting post at this weekend.  You can find the full article here:

In it, the author lists seven “patterns of behavior” for sociopathic pastors and/or their wives.  As my husband and I read through this list together, we were astonished, once again, at the parallels to our own experience.

“#1 Sociopaths Never Apologize and Are Incapable of Feeling Shame, Guilt or Remorse.”  Those of you who have read my story know that there was never an apology, and ultimately, it was my husband’s demand that they apologize to me that resulted in our being told to not return to the church.

“#2 Sociopaths Make up Bizarre Stories (LIES) Insisting God Authored It” I remember being told by the lay leader of the church elders that if God wanted it to be different, it would be – insinuating that God was behind the abuse that was being perpetrated.

“#3 Sociopaths are Incapable of Love . . . You have wondered how they can be this way, but the answer is he/she did not really love you in the first place.  They don’t know how.”  I quoted the article here to show those who have read my story and followed this blog that I have often said that I finally came to realize that the senior pastor had no love or care for more or for others.

“#4 Sociopaths are Charming and Eloquent Speakers”  People are attracted to the senior pastor “like moths to a flame.”  When he’s on that platform, he is charming and engaging.  Who would ever believe that he would every intentionally hurt anyone?

“#5 Sociopaths are More Spontaneous, Spooky and intense than Those Sound in the Faith.” The author doesn’t expound on this point, but my husband and I agree that there were times when we felt that just looking directly into the senior pastors’ eyes was unnerving.

“#6 Sociopaths Will Defend their Con Despite Incontrovertible Evidence to the Contrary.” The author recommends checking out their stories.  I recently wrote a post encouraging people to check the facts in my story.  Because no matter what people may have been told, the truth is still the truth when it comes to the ways in which the leadership mishandled my situation for more than a decade.

“#7 Sociopaths Will Not Address Facts But Will Attack the Messenger Instead.”  This fits with #6.  Rather than providing “incontrovertible evidence” of their own that truly supports the way that I was treated, they chose to attack me instead – to throw us out of the church and to “explain” their position by making me look like the problem because I had the audacity to point out the problem(s).  They have been masters at twisting the facts to suit their own needs – to validate the abuse that I suffered under their leadership.

As the author of the post linked above wrote in the conclusion to those who refuse to see these things in their pastor, “You don’t want to go the extra step and fact-check your leader’s stories, sermons, or experiences.  You give him a pass although you have seen people disappear without any explanation. You are too afraid to ask when you see them in the street how they are doing or why they haven’t been back to church. That’s because deep down, you like the con just the way it is.”



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