She Who Has the Most Power Wins

Posted: October 1, 2014 in Uncategorized, When Church Hurts
Tags: , , , ,

“Why are you letting him rob you of your power?”

That was the first question that started to wake me up.

For years I submerged myself in submission.

Don’t tell anyone that you are being ostracized.

Don’t ask questions.

Don’t say anything that could be construed as negative or as a criticism.

Don’t look at anyone “the wrong way.”

Don’t look at anyone.

Head down.

Mouth shut.

Don’t.

Don’t be yourself.

Don’t be normal.

Don’t be.

Don’t.

Don’t.

Don’t.

“Why are you letting him rob you of your power?”

It wasn’t a slow awakening.

It was quick. And glaring. And painful.

Not in the way that makes you want to curl up in a fetal position and protect yourself. But painful in the way that just makes you angry.

How dare he!

How dare he pummel me with judgment stones!

How dare he blame and shame me for his transgressions!

How dare he parade on the platform in all of his self-righteous glory as I sat only footsteps away, tears coursing down my cheeks!

How dare he lord over me what I could or could not do for God!

How dare he allow others in leadership – even his own wife – to rob me of my dignity!

How dare he!

Blame and shame had been heaped upon me and the silence I was ordered to keep caused it to fester and swell.

“You need to tell,” she said.

“You need to tell what has happened to you.”

Power.

Telling is incredibly powerful.

Telling is more powerful than blame.

Telling is more powerful than shame.

Telling robbed him of his power.

Telling placed blame where it belongs.

Telling placed shame where it belongs.

When I saw him after he heard that I had told, it was his head that was down.

His mouth that was shut.

His eyes that were averted.

He learned how it feels to be robbed of his power.

And I learned how it feels to take mine back.

She who has the most power wins.

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Comments
  1. Melody says:

    Yes, and in order to fight you first need to know and realize that you are worth fighting for.

    I had a similar awakening during a movie (Hancock) where one criminal said to another (lol) that he needed to confront Hancock : “go to him and take back the power he took from you.” It was just a movie, but those words pierced my heart as I felt my abusers had taken my power and I would (and still do) need to fight like hell to get it back.

    • Ellen says:

      Yes, Melody, we do need to fight like hell to get it back. For a short time, after my first blog was “discovered,” I caved. I deleted the blog and wished desperately for an opportunity to “go back” to where I had been before – back to the prison of judgment and ostracism. I just wanted it all to be okay. The problem was, what had been was never okay. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was again longing to hand over my power just by taking down my blog. Before, my story was password protected – so my power was limited. Now, my story is open to the world and it has proven to be very powerful – to me and to many who come here broken and bloody from the wounds of those who have the power.

      I am grateful for every person who reads my experience and draws strength to overcome those who would rob them of their power.

      Thanks so much for writing.

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