patterns of abuse

Posted: April 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

“To someone living during Hitler’s regime, it is quite possible that sending people to the concentration camps was seen as a necessary evil– perhaps, to some, even a good thing. To us, that seems insane. How could anyone have possibly seen the concentration camps in those ways?

It could happen– in the same way that I believed, to the core of myself, that I needed to be hurt in order to become a better person. I was convinced that what my abuser was putting me through was making me into the person I’d always believed I needed to be. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was painful. Yes, the people outside of our relationship didn’t understand– but it was necessary. I needed him to hurt me.”
I, too, thought that I needed what was happening to me. I believed that since it was happening at the hands of church leadership, it had to be for my benefit, therefore, I must endure, I must suffer, I must stick it out to the very end.
And now, I think there are those in that church who believe the same thing – that I deserve and needed what happened to me. The ostracism. The order to never return. I wonder if someday they will look back and see it differently . . .

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