I’ve been doing a bit of trolling today across the internet looking at web sites and blogs and books about spiritual abuse.

I have never been fond of the lists of how to tell if your church is spiritually abusive and perhaps that is because I am not completely convinced that my “church” – the one we were told to leave just three months ago – was abusive.  It doesn’t fit the lists very well – at least not blatantly.  And while I am aware that I am not the only person to undergo the type of experience that I had there, I am pretty sure that the “Can’t Talk Rule” was duly enforced in such a broad manner that very few were ever aware.

As far as “When Church Hurts” – the broader connotation comes from no one (well, only one) in the church at large making any attempt to reach out to us, to communicate with us, to have anything to do with us after we were told to never return.  But the spiritual abuse?  That amounted to basically one thing:

The ostracism and condemnation that the people in leadership meted out to me, causing me to question my standing with God.


And while I can point to several bullet points in the various identifying lists out there, ultimately, the only thing that matters is that they damaged my relationship with God.

I get a little frustrated with all of the lists.  If we only ask one question:

“Did someone in leadership in the church cause you to question your relationship with God?”

that about covers it.




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