Please Don’t Follow This Blog

Posted: March 19, 2014 in Uncategorized, When Church Hurts
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m bringing this post forward because I want to speak to the “stalkers” out there – people from the church that tossed us aside.  It fascinates me that some of  you are following and/or reading my blog.  It fascinates me that some of you want to follow me on twitter.  Tomorrow – March 20, marks 3 months since we were told that we were to leave the church.  Only one of you has spoken to me personally – face to face – since that day.  And even then, only once.  

I know we are all busy.  I get that.  But we all make time for what is important to us.  Why is it important to you that you follow me when you can’t speak to me?  Please don’t say the road runs both ways.  I reached out to you and you were the ones who went silent.  And then you started stalking me.  

And all I can surmise is that you are looking for dirt.  Because you are still showing up at the church, right? You are showing up there.  

Please don’t misunderstand.  I’m not asking you to choose between.  If you wanted to, you could choose both.  I’m just saying that if you were “for” me, you would show up.  Because we show up for what we are “for.”  We show up for what matters to us.  

You showing up on twitter or my blogs doesn’t tell me I matter to you.  That’s what this post was about originally.  That’s what it’s about now. 

PLEASE DON’T FOLLOW THIS BLOG

Really.  I mean it.

Please don’t follow this blog.

Please don’t follow this blog if you are only using it to check up on me.

If you want to check up on me, pick up the phone.

Don’t say you don’t have time.

If you have the time to read this blog, you have the time to send a text saying, “Hey, I’m thinking of you today.”

Please don’t follow this blog.  Use the time you spend reading it to pick up the phone. Or send a card. Or a quick email.

Because, some days, it gets really hard. Not hearing that any of those whom I considered friends and family cares.

Because, some days, it gets really hard, being reminded again that the things we all declared together to be true aren’t looking so true when I think of you.

Some days, I judge you for appearing to not live what you say you believe.

And my heart grows a little tighter in my chest.

And it’s hard to swallow that lump in my throat.

And I appear to not believe what I declared to be true with you, either.

I don’t want you to follow this blog if you aren’t going to be my friend first.

Because I don’t want you to see how hard it is for me.

Not having you as my friend.

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Comments
  1. Scarlett says:

    I know how you feel. Sometimes we just have to learn, and even be willing to be misunderstood, as we try the best way we can to follow in Jesus footsteps. He was misunderstood also.
    And sometimes we just have to move on, realizing that our friends do judge us falsely, and that we are now poles apart, scattered in our beliefs, and really do not have anything in common any longer. That said, can we really call these friends? And if not, why would we even desire to be, if there is no real love or understanding there for us? Can two walk together, unless they be agreed? There would be no fellowship there, but only pretense. And that, to me would be too much to bear or endure,
    I find that as I move closer to Jesus, I find less need for human companionship, and have even become somewhat jealous of any time away from my companionship with him. Sounds crazy? Well, I think it does to some,but it makes perfect sense to me.

    • Ellen says:

      Yes, Scarlett, perfect sense. I value relationships more for what I bring to them than what they bring to me. Perhaps that’s because I have always been more on the giving than the receiving end. Many of my “friendships” have been based on what I can do for others. Not long ago I took a step back from “doing” because of time and circumstances. As I stepped back from doing, the person I thought was a true friend turned her back. My time with Jesus is very precious – listening to Him and what He has to say trumps all of the “you aren’t good enough” messages.

  2. Scarlett says:

    “Not long ago I took a step back from “doing” because of time and circumstances. As I stepped back from doing, the person I thought was a true friend turned her back.”

    A shallow and immature “friend” like this is not much of a friend at all. In her immaturity, she may, like I’ve had happen recently seemed to believe that I turned my back on her. Which was not true, but just due to the VAST differences in our life circumstances, I was simply not able to keep up with the amount of time this relationship was taking. And yes, stealing time away from duties, and responsibities, and most especially time I desperately needed ….and wanted to spend communing with Jesus in prayer and in his word. What is so wrong with that?

    Why do people have to take afront at this, as if we have done something wrong to them? Well, I guess that’s just the way it is….but frankly it irritates me that people who are not walking in my circumstances, and footsteps, which are very painful and difficult at this time in my life, don’t seem to understand——and want to judge me as the villian. I just have to shake my head in almost disblief at times. However, it becomes even more difficult when I find they have carried their tale of being mistreated by me to others. Can you relate to this? Pretty sure you can.

    • Ellen says:

      Yes, absolutely I can relate. I have heard a small bit of what the tale-bearers have had to say about me and it saddens me. Especially when those same tale-bearers have not done at all what they proclaimed to believe – which is go to the person yourself.

      Unfortunately, I am in a situation now where those who would like me to trust them must wrestle with the fact that I cannot. I cannot trust that they won’t be tale-bearers themselves. That’s why I am asking in this blog that they not “follow” me, but demonstrate their commitment to have a true relationship with me. If all they do is follow this blog, I can only surmise that it is to stalk me and take what they read here back to those who would use it against me.

      • Scarlett says:

        Well, I know….. I’ve had betrayals as well. It’s really not all that strange, that many times, it seems these come from those who are still immature in whatever spiritual growth stage they happen to be in.
        And oh yes, I have a stalker as well. It is childish to be sure, but one can post spiritual things that may help them in a rather indirect way. Jesus sees all of this nonsense. He sees what they do, but here’s the kicker….he’s watching OUR reaction to it.
        For myself, I must admit that I often struggle with remembrances of the injustice and false accusations….and downright sneaky LIES, and then try to not have feeliings of resentment, because I know that isn’t pleasing to the LORD. I don’t want that to come between him and me! The only way I know how to deal with these things sister, is to give it to the Lord and ask him to help me. It’s part of our own growth.
        A dear brother Michael, on his blog has recently been most helpful to me in coming to understand some deep truths about stages in our spiritual walk. I think some of this may be most helpful to you as it has been to me…….
        http://awildernessvoice.wordpress.com/2014/02/09/living-without-an-agenda-of-our-own/#comment-1015
        Perhaps it may be helpful to some of the others who visit your blog, as well 🙂
        I reblogged it on my own for that purpose 🙂
        Peace and Grace dear sister…
        Scarlett

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